I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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