At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
