Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Damn victory sex feels great
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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