omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
