Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
