areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
