Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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