i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
