I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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