In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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