there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
