I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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