a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
