when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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