Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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