so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
