so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
