Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
