your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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