Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
