you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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