I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
