i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
