Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
