i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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