apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
