I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
