definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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