i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
