After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
