We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
