I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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