You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
