I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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