Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
jump out the window naked night went bad
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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