i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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