is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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