There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
