help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
