whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
