If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I believe in your delicious
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize