i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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