hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
