Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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