you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize