Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
