I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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