Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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