Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
