So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
