i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
