can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
