dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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