oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
