My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
