highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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