it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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