we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
