This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
