put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
